I didn’t know that I didn’t know

A year of transformation, of a complete turnaround, and possibly growing up to an extent(?)

I got initiated into the Shambhavi Mahamudra at the beginning of the year. It was the single most transformative experience of my life - simply because i was exposed to a dimension I didn’t know existed, i experienced something I hadn’t imagined or visualized before, I didn’t have a comparable experience , in fact I hadn’t even thought of that as an experience yet. For me it was simply something I didn’t know that I didn’t know. And that was the beauty of it. What that brought forth was me experiencing sensations in my mind and body, understanding my mind and body, trying to separate myself from my mind and body. Initially i was amazed, wanted to talk more and more about it, read more, know more, but as months have passed, i am content simply experiencing more, the questions have subsided about what and why, and there is a strange surrender. It’s not like there are no questions, there are bigger questions, but am not so concerned about the answers , i know they will come in time, when i need them , when i can understand them. The 40 days of the mandala completion for Shambhavi ended with a bang - divorce filed that day and a gift -over the course of the 6 months - the Shambhavi went from something i had to “do” to something i “had to” do - it became a part of my system my existence - my daily Sadhana - though as I’m writing this i feel like I’m cheating because the last week i have been almost cheating on it - with so much Shakti chalan and shoonya - i barely have time for it. 

Besides beginning to experience this dimension i had no clue about i was letting go of unknown blockages, understanding how we are nothing more than a mere tiny extension of this vast existence.