of waiting for sundays....NOT!

I am not doing so well today.

I got a sunday off after months today. And it somehow made me miss a lot of people. 

I was, till a couple of years back, not the very emotional, sentimental type. In fact! I was known to not have any emotions whatsoever. I cringed at the very thought of hugging. The usual "awwws" and "love u!" among girlfriends were rarely directed towards me. Simply because I always made a face. When I finally got myself a boyfriend, I remember a friend of mine actually went to the extent of imitating me( how she thought I would look like) while having sex, bored and telling the guy to get done with it! Even in my house I am, most of the time, treated as one with zilch feelings. My mother coochie-coos my brother and sister and I am mostly just ignored. Ok, there are times she has tried, but I feel so awkward I usually just make a face. That keeps her from trying for a while.

Anyway, getting back to where I started, I am not liking this emotional self of mine. 

Work keeps me fairly occupied. Weekends do not exist. If I get a sunday free, I celebrate. My work does not have any extra holidays. 9 days besides a sunday every week. And even those go for a toss if a client wants to come in on a holiday. Which usually is the case. And now that I get one sunday off, I cannot wait for it to be monday again!

I get all fuzzy and awwww at the slightest provocation. A friend of mine recently accused me of teaching her how to take care of herself and forgetting it myself. I do not want to watch movies which make me loose my faith in humanity. I remember not being able to sleep after watching the movie "Life in a Metro" and "Page 3". Im becoming all girly for godsake!

Getting back to what has been bothering me all day today.

One of my closest friends went of to bangalore this friday. She has not been here for almost 2 years. But she has been around for me the whole time and also in person, the last 2 months. The fact that she has taken up a job in another city, from where she will only be coming back after she decides to marry someone, possibly in another city, is really bothering me. 

This week I got to know of another friend of mine who is getting married. I have barely spoken to her in the last 2 years. But now that I know she is getting married and moving to another city its getting me all hassled.

Also, I recently(about three months back) became very fond of a person I've known for a while. Similar circumstances and common heartaches brought us together. We spent several hours on the terrace, in the park, in the car, in TC, in coffee shops getting to know each other. We even reached a stage where being silent was OK. And now! even she has moved to another city! All of a sudden.

My life on the boyfriend front has been a disaster since as long as I can remember. It has been one jerk after another(ok just 2) who have made me believe that there must be better people out there. No, they did not scar me for life. And no, they did not make me believe I deserve just this. But they did make me skeptical about a lot of things. I, now, don't take everything by its face value and tend to tread carefully when it comes to matters of the heart. Though, I still am a hopeless romantic. With reference to the previous post, the respite was fairly temporary i think. I am getting back to my cynical self. Though I don't want to.

I think I need to stick to working sundays. 

It prevents me from feeling a lot of things I do not wish to.